Redirected.

Morning…I realize I am worried to much. I wouldn’t have taken that job from Re…. anyway. I am pretty sure of it.

I also feel like the universe always takes care of me, and if it wasn’t me that said no, it would have shielded me from things that aren’t right for me. I still have a contract with Suno until end of Sept, that is a long time.

My savings can put me through my crazy rent for another 7 months. I trust that in another 7 months opportunities will arise.

As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was being redirected to something better.

Internal Work

Still in Boston…and again, and am in that mode of self-doubt…I wanted to complete at least 1 goal, (OK, maybe 2 goals today) —

  1. Write a Blog Post (to get re-centered, and gain self-awareness)
  2. Buy supplies and make a macrame planter

Knowing myself, there are many goals of the day but I probably only count 2. Why those 2? Probably because those are the only tangible outcomes of the work. And again, knowing myself, the outcomes of the ‘real work’ that I do are not always physically manifested, but internal.

While I value inner wisdom/truth more than the material, why do I credit work that produce a tangible outcome so much more than the internal ‘work?”

Is it because it is more sharable ?

Does the intangible, internal work not have an ability to produce a widespread benefit?

Strangely enough, I know that the inner wisdom actually is a more impactful, and valuable in society. It tickles down to every thought, every action, that we put into the universe – and which, the universe responds to. The very essence of our being is formulated by how we shape our minds, what we say, how we say it, and what we do.

Knowing this, I am still puzzled by how little credit I give to myself with how much WORK I put into my inner-worlds…

To be updated with my Macrame Planter 🙂

 

Why Boston?

{Move Date: Tues, Feb 19}

So I had so many reasons but not 1 strong reason. When people ask, “Why Boston?” These have been some responses:

  • Work is there
  • I’ve always wanted to move there
  • I want a new start
  • I want to have the East Coast experience
  • I’ve fallen in love with the seasons
  • I went there in 2009 and I was inspired seeing a woman cry by the river, and though, “what  a beautiful place to cry.’
  • My supporting direction is East, and my Feng Shui lady said to move to Boston in 2019.

…and probably other reasons.

My most compelling unintentional (however, possibly subconscious) reason was that I felt I was on the same cycle as the seasons – reminders, and or reasons to  hibernate/recuperate, season to bloom, season of movement, season to be festive and warm…and repeat.

I Don’t Know Sh*T

Helping is Hurting, and Hurting is Helping

~Suze Orman

3AM wake up time today….I fell asleep at 8pm just utterly exhausted. Well, I did have the help of liquid Melatonin.

What have I been up to these days? Truth is, I have been in an emotional rut lately…I hate to admit it, but you know that stage in the growth process where you completely lose what you know and doubt everything? That’s where I am. These are the triggers:

  • No work / income flowing in
  • 2 Vacant rentals / loss of income
  • Made myself vulnerable by sharing Finances and found out its all a mess
  • Realized my LLC set-up was not even beneficial, and the rate I was much lower than I thought
  • Unexpected, unwarranted, feedback from BGN.
  • Pasadena permit for HVAC delayed, and expected to get triggered for more violations
  • Confusion about why I am even going to Boston
  • No rental car

{image below from google, but it reminded me of what my manager told me once about ‘Stages of Learning’ – I definitely feel like I’m at the I dont know sh*t phase!}

Screen Shot 2019-02-02 at 4.17.22 AM

But you know what, I will be OK. I always end up being OK. Just like the prototype example that Andio gave about market research vs. testing the market, there are other opportunities that may come your way from putting yourself ‘out there.’

Infinite Wishes

During our coffee time, we talked about weekend happenings, but the themes were centered around reincarnation, and creating a happy life. I like 2 things he said —

Creating Happiness in Life – Because our wishes are infinite, but our lives our not, we need to keep our life very simple.

 

Reincarnation – Our good or bad deeds in this life determine how heavy we fall to the earth. The more bad there is, the heavier you fall to the ground, ie what you will be reincarnated to – human, or animal.

And as far as self reflecting, this is my current state of what I am, and where I need to improve. He sort of violently threw his spoon across the room to the table which created a loud clangy noise. When I made a facial expression to show my disapproval, he sharply said, “Make it easy for me to remember” I understand why he did that, but how he did, didn’t make sense. I told him that growing up here, these loud, violent clanging noises went unnoticed and it wasn’t until I moved out and was able to create a peaceful environment that coming back home these noises were so bothersome.

I appreciated that he listened to me as I told him that my daily movements were in meditation, from me washing dishes, from the way I put things away, and how I walk. I was humbled when he said that his meditative state must be continuous and he said ‘OK, I will try.” I also admitted to him that while I am able to successfully create a harmonious environment, it is done alone, I need to be able to also be continuous when others are in my space and don’t follow the same.

Reflecting on 2018

I didn’t have access to a computer when I was in Vancouver for NYE, so I wrote it on paper. Now that I’m finally home, I don’t want to transcribe it 😀 I’m ready to move forward. Here is my feeble attempt at doing so! Just a pic of the scribbles of what 2018 was all about:

IMG_0050

As I mentioned on my IG post, it was the year of letting go. Two major accomplishments are 1 – I cleaned up (material items, and social circle), and 2- learned to accept that I cannot control all things.

Resolutions 2019

As of January 2019, these are my themes I would like to focus on. These are the ones that feel natural to me at the moment, and will likely remain throughout 2019, with some adjustments here and there. As for work, my brain isn’t there at the moment so its something I want to formulate organically. Same for love – I want those goals/themes to be organic, and I haven’t focused on it.

New Goals:

  1. Be Present
    • Allow your mind to wander, and observe real things that happen around you. I think this is the condition you need to be creative.
    • Schedule social media usage time to 1x every Fridays
  2. Participate in Celebrations/Holidays
    • Even if you are tired/lazy/sad – go outside, be festive (decorate, and clothes), and BE AROUND PEOPLE – you’ve never regretted it.
    • Give thoughtful, loving gifts to inner circle with focus on birthday, and Christmas for the kids, and flowers for mothers/women that need the TLC.
  3. Focus on Fitness
    • Get that runner’s high feeling again; maybe will happen with runs along the river?
    • Build muscle; with focus on core to reduce lower back pain
    • Educate yourself about the human body, nutrition.
  4. Create Homebase
    • Collect ideas and conditions to make ‘home’ a place to gather for friends/family, to rest, to create, to nourish.

Continued goals from 2019:

  1. Keep getting quality Sleep
  2. Keep focusing on Skincare
    • Moisturize, facial care, slow down the process of skin damage/wrinkles
  3. Keep Minimal lifestyle 
    • Clean ‘house’ and keep circle, and material items high quality and minimal

Minimal conditions that I can create, which are needed to create joy:

  • Mind must have the ability to wander
  • Body must be able to rest
  • Must be able to nurture living things (plants, butterflies, children, loved ones)
  • Must be able to assemble/arrange something of beauty (dessert dishes, floral arrangements, crystals)

There are many goals here but the ultimate question to ask at the end of 2019 is:

Have I learned to produce feelings of joy and happiness in 2019?

After listening to Thich Nhat Hanh’s words about closing up a calendar year, he mentions this, as well as the ability to be able to produce those feelings, as a practitioner of Buddhism, and awareness…

“You know the conditions of which to produce joy for us, and those that we love around us. Create conditions to nourish us.